I think I died a long time ago.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
