So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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