I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I understand Curling. That high.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?