Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...