I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.