So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
