: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
