Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
