Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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