can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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