Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
