She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
