I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
