I'm jealous of your bromance
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
