11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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