I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
