Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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