haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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