Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth