Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.