Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
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I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you