what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body