I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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