No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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