Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
