omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
