I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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