I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
lets start a swedish sibling band together
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
