i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
