I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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