So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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