Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
