nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We have started to decorate penises.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Go christen that room with your naked body.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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