We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
