I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
