my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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