eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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