He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
