Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
