I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
