I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
