I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
