So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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