Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
