she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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