1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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