Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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