We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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