So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
