It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
