mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
