If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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