whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
