How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
