I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
