So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize