my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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