Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
