Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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