I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize