She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
