Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
