He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
