So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
