my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We're too hungover to prance.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
