someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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