a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
