i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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