I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
