hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
