I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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