I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
