if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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